My on-again, off-again relationship with anxiety has taught me a lot

My on-again, off-again relationship with anxiety(aNGˈzīədē) has taught me a lot

By Nina K. Moore

Dear Anxiety,

We’ve been together for a long time now. I’m 40 and we’ve dated on and off for years – since my twenties. We even played together occasionally(əˈkāZHənl-ē) as kids.

To be honest(ˈänəst), I never saw relationship material(məˈtirēəl) coming from you. I thought we’d long outgrown each other and it took me by surprise when you asked me to go steady(ˈstedē). I wasn’t looking for a relationship at the time. I was a new mother(ˈməT͟Hər) coping with chronic(ˈkränik) conflict(ˈkänˌflikt) and the demands(dəˈmand) of running a single-parent home. You came on stronger still when I tried to take some space and return to work.

Everyone – family, friends and professionals(prəˈfeSHənl) alike – said it was normal to have you around given my circumstances(-stəns,ˈsərkəmˌstans). After all, you have a reputation(ˌrepyəˈtāSHən) for being attracted(əˈtrakt) to stress. But when you held me so tightly(ˈtītlē) every second of the day and began to infiltrate(inˈfil-,ˈinfilˌtrāt) my dreams at night, I knew this was no ordinary(ˈôrdnˌerē) romance(rōˈmans,ˈrōˌmans).

You never did say why you chose me. I didn’t even think I was your type. I had always thought you went for the worrier(ˈwərēər), the unadventurous(ˌənadˈvenCHərəs). But I am gutsy(ˈgətsē) and outgoing. I don’t sweat(swet) the small stuff. Is it my trauma(ˈtroumə,ˈtrô-) that attracts you? Except that many have endured(inˈd(y)o͝or, enˈd(y)o͝or) far worse and you don’t give them a second look. Maybe you were impressed with my demanding teaching career(kəˈri(ə)r). Or is it that I live in a big bustling(ˈbəsəl) city? Perhaps it was more of a chemical(ˈkemək(ə)l) attraction. There was my head injury(ˈinjərē) in that car accident(ˈaksədənt) when I was a teenager(ˈtēnˌājər), but something from so long ago couldn’t have piqued(pēk) your interest, could it?

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https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-my-on-again-off-again-relationship-with-anxiety-has-taught-me-a-lot/